BRAVE STAR
singing like a slow scent beneath the sunArchive for January, 2007
027.
i’ll be awake for awhile tonite, so i figured i might as well clear my mind before i settle into a work marathon…
today was a good day and i am happy. these statements are so simple but they don’t really even begin to describe the fullness that i felt today. i felt so whole. so passionate. so driven. i’ve kinda been waiting for this kick of energy and i think it’s here. i feel so engaged with the world. finally. or re-engaged. i think i kinda cut myself off for a bit, but i’m back. and ready.
i’m doing my schoolwork and getting into it, which is a new phenomenon. i’m working on my literacy outreach projects. i’m watching my ideas blossom into reality. i’m having amazing conversations. real talk. connecting with people is something i kinda forgot how to do. i’m really thinking about how to actualize my dreams. i’m nurturing relationships. i’m just feeling more present, more awake. i feel like my soul just came out of hibernation or something. i think that was my defense mechanism before. to just shut down and let time pass indifferently. but this feels new.
today i saw & heard from so many people and i felt so loved.
my birthday is on saturday, and for once i do feel transformed. people always ask, well how does it feel to be a year older? and for once i can answer because i have grown tremendously.
but my work beckons me so i’ll have to save the whole sentimental birthday bit for another night ;)
sending luv and laughter.
026.
i felt like some Tracie Morris today…
Project Princess
Teeny feet rock
layered double socks
Popping side piping of
many colored loose lace ups
Racing toe keeps up with fancy free gear
slick slide and just pressed recently weaved hair
Jeans oversized belie her hips, back, thighs
that have made guys sigh
for milleni year
Topped by an attractive jacket
her suit’s not for flacking, flunkies, junkies
or punk homies on the stroll.
Her hands mobile thrones of today’s urban goddess
Clinking rings link dragon fingers
no need to be modest.
One or two gap teeth coolin’
sport gold initials
Doubt you get to her name
just check from the side
please chill.
Multidimensional shrimp earrings
frame her cinnamon face
Crimson with a compliment if a
comment hits the right place
Don’t step to the plate
with datelines from ‘88
Spare your simple, fragile feelings
with the same sense that you came
Color woman variation reworks the french twist
with crinkle cut platinum frosted bangs
from a spray can’s mist
Never dissed, she insists:
“No you can’t touch this.”
And, if pissed, bedecked fists
stop boys who must persist.
She’s the one. Give her some. Under fire. Smoking
gun. Of which songs
are sung, raps are spun, bells are rung, rocked, pistols
cocked, unwanted
advances blocked, well stacked she’s jock. It’s all
about you girl. You go
on. Don’t you dare stop.
–
the first time i heard this poem i was in ninth grade and still new to this poetry ish. i was still just learning to call myself poet. tracie was standing there in front of me delivering the dopest pieces. and i was so shy i couldn’t even say anything more than thank you when i shook her hand. even though inside of me something had just been born.
listen to her perform it here.
025.
“There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don’t expect you to save the world I do think it’s not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your live those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect.”
– Nikki Giovanni
I came home today and remembered that yes, there are things that I need to do. That I need to keep living and loving and laughing. I don’t know when the questions will be answered. When the frustrations will tread less harshly on my spirit. But I do know that I cannot let them break me. Today, I celebrate. And I will continue to celebrate the miracles and the moments. My vision stands corrected.
024.
zora neale says, “there are years that ask questions and years that answer,” and i see now what she is talking about. i thought i had an idea before, about a year that challenges because 2005 was very much a year that tested me. and needless to say, what didn’t kill me made me stronger and by 2006 i was proud to have survived. 2006 was a year where things fell into place. i was blessed with many opportunities for positive growth and experience. i met a lot of wonderful people and i started some friendships that i know will last me a lifetime. now, i am in 2007 and it has been hard! i feel like i’m having a constant wake-up call. like life is going “*smack!* remember me? i can be a bitch, sometimes.” i feel like i ended 2006 floating on a golden cloud with my rose-colored glasses and all that bullshit. now. now i hate to be pessimistic and i am very much one to spread the positivity. to appreciate the moments. but what if they just aren’t happening anymore? i know that this has been a pretty rough month to go thru and perhaps that’s why my thoughts are painted so darkly. but i just can’t see the light right now and it bothers me because i was starting to get used to it. maybe i was starting to take it for granted. i don’t know. but now i need it now more than ever. cuz everything is so damn dreary right now. ugh. i need some more orange i suppose.
023.
today i cried my eyes empty.
ross, you will shine forever among the brightest stars in our skies and in our hearts. i know you’d probably make fun of me for saying that. but it’s true.
i’m sending prayers into the wind with love.
wishing you eternal peace and lightyears of blessings.
i’ll be seeing you, man!
022.
Wow, I just found out that Swamini Turiyasangitananda aka Alice Coltrane, died on Friday. JJ and I were just talking about her last night. About the life-force. And the cosmos. And the harp. She was a celestial being and a bright star. Being in her presence was like being baptized in light. She brought a joy to my inner soul. May she rest peacefully. There must have been a celebration in heaven this weekend.
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021.
well friends, it’s a new day. happy 2007! the final days of last year were spent well with people that i love the most in this world and i could not have felt more blessed this holiday season. i am in love with life even on the rainy days. even on the first days of school when i would rather be sleeping or reading a book or writing. even on the first day back to work i am happy. i haven’t written here in a while, i guess, but i have been thinking a lot. i’m thinking about what it feels like to love. what it feels like to know the inside of a person. i’m thinking about these characters for a story that i need to write. scenes for a film i want to make. i am thinking about poems. i am thinking about language and about traveling. about opportunities. i am thinking about money, sadly. i need another job. i am thinking about privilege. i am thinking about achievement. about goals. i guess that comes with the new year. i didn’t make resolutions but i did make a few decisions. if you could call them that– decisions. i’m trying. i’m trying a lot of things. trying to learn mostly. i think that’s something i’ve been taking for granted, learning. curiosity woke up somewhere inside me like i am seeing with fresh eyes or however you say that phrase. i think there’s a lot more possibility in the world than what i noticed before. i sat down to write here without a thought to what i needed to say but i guess there it is.
