i know i said i wouldn’t be writing here but i’ve just been having the weirdest experiences lately. i found out today that i didn’t get this awesome job that i wanted, and after a couple of other rejections related to stuff that i’m passionate about, i’ve really started to reconsider what i’m pursuing in life to the point where i have contemplated studying law instead of poetry. i never thought i would feel like this. it is really freaking me out. i wanted to be a lawyer from the ages of eight til about fourteen, but since then i’ve been all about being a writer. i suppose i could do both, but the problem is that that would entail going to law school and probably not getting an MFA. since i’m pretty much all set to start my poetry program in the fall, i dunno if i’m just having cold feet or if i’m having some kind of weird intuition. ugh i need some kind of calmant in my life. i am a friggin ball of anxiety these days…just needed to release that thought somewhere. thanks for listening. i’m going to have a cup o’ tea.
BRAVE STAR
singing like a slow scent beneath the sun3 Comments »
aichlee wrote @
thanks for your message , kameelah. after a lot of contemplation, i think i am becoming more at peace and actually more excited about the choices i’m making and the risks i’m taking. there is apart of me that still fears failure, but that is balanced out by a network of people that do support what i do. i guess that whole anxiety attack was really based on imbalance and outside stress that was blinding me to the positive response i’ve gotten. i’m also becoming more flexible in terms of my vision, too, which i think helps me cope at the less successful moments.
anyway, the vision statement is a really good idea, which i think i will be adopting. so, thanks again.
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i am sorry to hear all this. i wish i could offer some advice, but i will be honest and say i have followed an academic route all my life where there is a degree of predictability and certainty. when it comes to the arts, it is a whole different animal because there is not that sense of predictability. i just recently dove into the art community and have had varying levels of success. poetry seems to be what makes me happy and vibrant–i wouldn’t abandon it. all of your posts relating to poetry share this glowing spirit and when i have seen some of your youtube clips, you seem amazingly at peace w/this childlike curiosity and wonderment that i think many would miss. in short, no matter what you decide make sure poetry is there somewhere.
rejection gives us an opportunity to reevaluate. i also think rejection helps us think about how that opp could have corrupted or derailed our craft or mission. each month i try to write a vision statement and reevaluate whether the choices ive made align with that.
anyway, i hope you feel better and find peace in the happenings.